Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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