i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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