i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
