It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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