He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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