listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize