She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
