gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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