I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
