after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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