i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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