I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
