Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
