Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
why is half of my head shaved?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
