the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize