you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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