We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
