Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
