just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
