They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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