I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
