He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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