New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
