Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
