We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize