oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
