atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
