I have demons in me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
false alarm, still single
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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