I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
