Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There r osticjed everywhere
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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