Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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