remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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