well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
