college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found a bag of teeth...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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