just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
