I puked a lego.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
