The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
