I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
