Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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