omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
