# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
