I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
