I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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