Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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