if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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