Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
