I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
