My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
