The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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