Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
