he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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