I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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