its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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