Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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