Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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