so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
