Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
