Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
