Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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