just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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