He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
