Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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