there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize