your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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