he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
