Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
