1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
