literally had 100 drinks last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
