is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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