My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
