I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize