i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
