ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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