She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
